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The Stages Of Live

Geschlechterkampf

THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE

AGE DRINK

17 beer

25 beer

35 vodka

48 double vodka

66 Maalox

SEDUCTION LINE

17 My parents are away for the weekend.

25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend.

35 My fiancee is away for the weekend.

48 My wife is away for the weekend.

66 My second wife is dead.

FAVORITE SPORT

17 sex
25 sex
35 sex
48 sex
66 napping

DRUG

17 pot
25 coke
35 really good coke
48 power
66 coke, a limousine, the company jet

DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE

17 "tongue"
25 "breakfast"
35 "She didn't set back my therapy."
48 "I didn't have to meet her kids."
66 "Got home alive."

FAVORITE FANTASY

17 getting to third
25 airplane sex
35 menage a trois
48 taking the company public
66 Swiss maid/Nazi love slave

HOUSE PET

17 roaches
25 stoned-out college roommate
35 Irish setter
48 children from his first marriage
66 Barbi

WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?

17 25
25 35
35 48
48 66
66 17

IDEAL DATE

17 Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
25 "Split the check before we go back to my place"
35 "Just come over."
48 "Just come over and cook."
66 sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.

 

THE FEMALE STAGES OF LIFE

AGE DRINK

17 Wine Coolers
25 White wine
35 Red wine
48 Dom Perignon
66 Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser

EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES

17 Need to wash my hair
25 Need to wash and condition my hair
35 Need to color my hair
48 Need to have Francois color my hair
66 Need to have Francois color my wig

FAVORITE SPORT

17 shopping
25 shopping
35 shopping
48 shopping
66 shopping

DRUG

17 shopping
25 shopping
35 shopping
48 shopping
66 shopping

DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE

17 "Burger King"
25 "Free meal"
35 "A diamond"
48 "A bigger diamond"
66 "Home Alone"

FAVORITE FANTASY

17 tall, dark and handsome
25 tall, dark and handsome with money
35 tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
48 a man with hair
66 a man

HOUSE PET

17 Muffy the cat
25 Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat
35 Irish setter and Muffy the Cat
48 Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat
66 Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs Muffy the Cat

WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?

17 17
25 25
35 35
48 48
66 66

IDEAL DATE

17 He offers to pay
25 He pays
35 He cooks breakfast the next morning
48 He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
66 He can chew breakfast