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Consultants

Arbeitswelt

Why do consulting companies prohibit sex between consultants and their clients? -- To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

Why are consultants like nuclear weapons? -- If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.

What do consultants and sperm have in common? -- One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps? -- They had pictures of consultants on them .. and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

If you see a consultant on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him? -- It might be your bicycle.

How many McKinsey consultants does it take to change a light bulb? -- It depends how many you can afford

A man walked into a consultant's office and inquired about the rates for a study.... "Well, we usually structure the project up front, and charge $5,000 for three questions", replied the consultant. "Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man. "Yes," the consultant replied, "and what was your third question?"

A contractor dies on in a fishing accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band. Saint Peter runs over, shakes his hand and says "Congratulations!" "Congratulations for what?" asks the contractor. "Congratulations for what?" says Saint Peter. "We are celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old." "But that's not true," says the consultant. "I only lived to be forty." "That's impossible," says Saint Peter, "we added up your time sheets."